The toast to the lassies..

Burns Dinner Toast to the Lassies

Good afternoon fellow celebrants of the bard’s anniversary, I’m supposed to live up the traditions of Rabbie Burns dinners by saying something humorously Burns, in my Toast to the Lassies. In keeping with that I decided I needed to provide for my own protection!

Note:
Dave brought his sword with him to protect himself from the lassies but he did have to put it down to read the toast so lucky he didn't need it :)

“A Man's a Man for a' that”, but Burns loved the Lassies. It’s been reported that he sired 11 children, by 5 wives, in 13 years. He was apparently smitten more than once;

“O my Luve is like a red, red rose

That’s newly sprung in June;

“Her lips are like the cherries ripe That sunny walls from Boreas screen. They tempt the taste and charm the sight

but Burns always got married. “I hae a wife o’ my ain.” he said.

“I hae been a devil the feck of my life, but never was I enheld til I met with a wife”

Burns also loved his Scotch, and dedicated much of his work to roasting the taxman between drinks.

“Let other poets raise a fracas
"Bout vines, an' wines, an' drucken Bacchus, An' crabbit names an'stories wrack us, An' grate our lug:
I sing the juice Scotch bear can mak us, In glass or jug.”

O my Luve is like the melody

That’s sweetly played in tune.”

We'll mak our maut, and we'll brew our drink, We'll laugh, sing, and rejoice, man,
And mony braw thanks to the meikle black deil, That danc'd awa wi' th' Exciseman.
“Leeze me on drink! it gi’es us mair Than either school or college”
“Freedom and Whisky gang thegither! Tak af your dram!”

It’s quite possible that his love for the Lassies depended on the

supply of Scotch, for he said:

“So fair art thou, my bonnie lass,

So deep in luve am I;

And I will luve thee still, my dear,

Till a’ the seas gang dry.”

an obvious reference to running out of Scotch.
“Ah, gentle dames! it gars me greet, To think how “ many counsels sweet, How many lengthen’d, sage advices, The husband from the wife despises!”

We also know that Burns’ love-life was not perfect and that,

perhaps, was the source of his thirst for John Barleycorn,

and then he said:

“Inspiring bold John Barleycorn!

What dangers thou canst make us scorn!

Wi' tippenny, we fear nae evil;

Wi' usquabae, we'll face the devil!”

Was it the Lassies who sparked the Bard?

“Auld Nature swears the lovely dears Her noblest work she classes; Her ‘prentice han’ she tried on man, And then She made the lasses!”
or was it the Scotch?
‘John Barleycorn was a hero bold, Of noble enterprise;
For if you do but taste his blood, ‘Twill make your courage rise.
‘Twill make a man forget his woe; ‘Twill heighten all his joy;
‘Twill make the widow’s heart to sing, Tho’ the tear were in her eye.’
It is true that Burns held a great deal of respect for women who we’ve heard were created after God had practised on man. In this regard he was generations ahead of his times. He showed himself to be a feminist with an eye for the future when he wrote:
While quacks of State must each produce his plan, And even children lisp the Rights of Man; Amid this mighty fuss just let me mention, The Rights of Woman merit some attention.
but Burns settles the question in one of his many songs:
O aye my wife she dang me, An' aft my wife she bang'd me,
If ye gie a woman a' her will, Gude faith! she'll soon o'er-gang ye.

In the final analysis, it becomes clear that the Lassies drove

Burns to drink.

Ever the pragmatist, Burns resolves his vices and advises us to

live life to the fullest.

Here’s a bottle and an honest man – What would ye wish for mair, man. Wha kens, before his life may end, What his share may be o’ care, man. So catch the moments as they fly, And use them as ye ought, man. Believe me, happiness is shy,
And comes not aye when sought, man.
So gentlemen, let us raise our glasses in a toast to the Lassies who love us, care for us, bore and raised our children and...... drive us to drink!
To the Lassies!