Both grandmothers were very important to me and the following story says a lot about the kind of people they were. I was about seven years old at the time and it was Thanksgiving. We were going to my paternal grandmother's (Phoebe's) for dinner. My parents were having a big argument which was disconcerting because my parents rarely argued. It seemed that my mother wanted her mother (Selma) to join us. This was unusual as we had always seen the grandmothers separately.
This was apparently a big problem because my aunt and grandmother didn't like my mother's mother because she was a poor Swedish immigrant who spoke with an accent. This was my first experience with social class and prejudice and I was devastated. I loved both grandmothers equally...how could they not love each other!
In the end Selma was invited and although my aunt Evelyn was quite cool, Phoebe was welcoming and friendly thoughout the evening. After dinner we played a simple card game. Selma didn't really know anything about cards. I'm not sure she had even played a card game before and when it came her time to deal she obviously didn't have a clue how to shuffle the cards. But she wasn’t daunted and was determined to take her turn like everyone else. She asked for a basket and shuffled them around in that! My aunt rolled her eyes but Phoebe, who was renowned for her canasta playing, made a special point of saying what a good idea that was for shuffling!
I'll never forget my grandmother's kindness that day.
I remember well the last time I saw Phoebe. I was only 12 years old and had never seen anyone in hospital before. We went to visit her there and I had been told she was very ill. When we arrived she was in an oxygen tent and that frightened me. She realized my concern immediately and took it off saying it didn't matter, hugged me close and held my hand.
I think I remember these incidents because they show that my grandmother, Phoebe, had such heart. It didn't matter that her grand daughter ruined her plants by watering the tops, or that the other grandmother her grand daughter loved so much shuffled cards in a basket, or that she, herself, needed the oxygen tent. She realized other things mattered.
And when I think of my other grandmother, Selma, I realize she always showed heart in everything she did.
